There’s a strange stage of parenting that no one really prepares you for. It’s not the baby stage. It’s not the toddler years. It’s not even the little-kid stage. It’s when your kids aren’t little anymore.

At our house, I have a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old, and lately I’ve been noticing just how much has changed.

They still need me. They still want me. But it’s different now. And sometimes, I really miss the little-kid version of them.

The house is quieter.

There are no little feet running through the house at 6 a.m. Teens sleep a lot more! They sleep in when they can,  and no one is waking me up because they had a bad dream.

No one needs help finding the stuffed animal that used to be the only stuffed animal in the entire world that would allow them to sleep. Instead, there are closed bedroom doors, headphones, video games, phones and teenagers who can somehow sleep until noon if I let them.

And honestly? Sometimes I miss the noise.

They don’t need you for everything anymore.

When they were little, I was their entire world. I made their meals, tied their shoes, helped them get dressed, wiped their faces, packed their bags and answered approximately 847 questions a day.

Now they can make their own food, they can shower without being reminded, they can navigate their own plans, take the bus places, make decisions, and figure things out without me hovering over every little thing.

Which is exactly what I wanted as I wanted to raise independent humans, but watching that independence happen is a little bittersweet.

Vacations look different.

Travelling with a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old is very different from travelling with little kids, and I love that. No diapers, car seats, or nap schedules to deal with! yay!

However, there are more headphones, more opinions, more requests for Wi-Fi.

But there are also longer conversations, inside jokes, shared experiences, and memories that we can actually talk about together, and knowing they’ll get to remember the places we visit and the memories we make together.

They don’t always want to be in the picture.

This one hurts a little, especially because I love taking photos and videos. When they were little, I could take approximately 400 photos a day, and they barely noticed. Now? “Mom, don’t post that.” “Mom, STOP.” “Mom, why are you taking a picture?”

I still take the pictures, only when they want to, and  I don’t always get permission to share them. And I get it, they deserve their privacy.

So now I treasure the random photos even more. When they ask to take a photo or actually pose, I get so excited! hahah

They need a different kind of parenting.

When they were little, parenting was very hands-on, but now it’s a lot more about guidance and about knowing when to step in and when to step back.

It’s having difficult conversations, setting boundaries while also giving them more freedom, letting them make mistakes while being there when they need you, and sometimes it’s even biting your tongue when you really, really want to say, “I told you so.” I’m still working on that last one.

I miss the little versions of them, and yet… this stage is pretty amazing too.

This is probably the hardest part. Sometimes I’ll see an old photo pop up on my phone and suddenly I’m right back there. A tiny hand in mine, their missing front tooth, their little voices calling me “Mommy!”, feels so far away now.

Now I get to see their personalities as they really develop into their own person, with their own opinions. We get to laugh together, have actual conversations, travel together, watch a movie together that everyone actually wants to watch, stay up late talking, and really enjoy the time I spend with them as they become independent and grow up more and more every day.

I love this stage of life; it comes with a lot of different challenges, but I am glad we are at this stage, together, as a family. 

What stage are you at right now?